She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
