I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
