Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
