he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
