we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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