We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
