Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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