We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize