***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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