I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
