AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
