Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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