omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
