Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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