I feel like I'm in dance class right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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