i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
