Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
