Yo dont text me then not text me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
