Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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