No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
