I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
