I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
