I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
