So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
