I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
