Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
