So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize