Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
