She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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