When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
