I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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