a search helicopter?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
