I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
