i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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