he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
