she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As shirtless as possible
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
