theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
