Whod you bang
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
