Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
