It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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