Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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