Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
