Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
