I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
