Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
