so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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