There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
