Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
