This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
