I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize