highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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