I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A bitchslap is in order.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
