Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
