i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
