This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
