how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
