how can u be prego again
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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