he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
