you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
