I think I won the penis lottery.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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