i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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