and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
