I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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