I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
