my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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