the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A bitchslap is in order.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
